He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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