i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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