He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
