Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
