btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
