just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
