I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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