So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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