what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
