dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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