Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
