FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
