is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Welp...herpes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
