i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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