Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
