just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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