come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
