Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
