woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
