i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
