laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
