I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
