my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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