If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
