After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
