What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
