can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
