But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
