How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
