The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
