I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
