He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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