I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
