You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
