just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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