I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
