In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
