Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
