mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
