it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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