conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
