Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just cropdusted the office
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
