During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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