But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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