I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
