Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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