question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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