Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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