you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
