Do you still have your period?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
