I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
