Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
